I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am available for nakedness
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
