He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
