Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
