You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
