Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
