i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
