Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
