Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
