i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
