We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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