i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You pole danced in your parka.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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