I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
