I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
