i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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