No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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