We got so high we made milksteak
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
