I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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