If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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