Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
