How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
