I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is wine microwaveable?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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