My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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