sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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