I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?