were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30