Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
