half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
