Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
