You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
