good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
