Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
