I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
