I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
