I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
