I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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