Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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