The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pants are for mortals
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
