I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
