Three words: puerto rican gang bang
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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