Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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