Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
