textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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