Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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