Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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