you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
