I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize