Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Mom said you looked used
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
