From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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