If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Welp...herpes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
