No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
