Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
