I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
