Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
