____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Porn is love you can see.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
