so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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