if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Randomize
