JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
