I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
