The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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