Umm I'm too high to move.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
