Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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