That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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