I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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